MONSTER DOG   
1986, Trans World Entertainment
DIRECTOR: Clyde Anderson   PRODUCER: Clark Tyrrel

STARRING:  Alice Cooper,   Victoria Vera,    Carlos Santurio,    Pepita James,   Emilio Linder,   Jose Sarsa,   Charly Bravo,    B. Barta Barri,   Ricardo Palacios,   Luis Maluenda		   

Perhaps the best thing about MONSTER DOG is the opening song/video, "Identity Crises" in which we see Vincent Raven (Alice Cooper) adopting the personas of James Bond, Billy the Kid, Jack the Ripper and others.  Alas, the video doesn't last long, and soon we find Vince, his girlfriend Sandra, and a film crew (Frank, Jordan, Marilou and Angela) in a van, taking a road trip back to Vince's childhood home where they have been directed by the record company to shoot another video.   Along the way we learn that Vince hasn't been home in twenty years, and the only person left that Vince remembers is the caretaker, Jos.   And no sooner have we heard about Jos than the movie switches to Vince's old homestead, where Jos is preparing for Vince's arrival.  He hears an odd noise outside, and goes to investigate; outside the front door he finds a pack of "wild" dogs, who begin to snarl and bark at him.

In the next scene we find Vince and crew being stopped at a roadblock by local law enforcement officials.   The purpose of the roadblock is uncertain, except it gives Sheriff Morrison the opportunity to make a vague reference to Vince's father, and relate the gory details of a death caused by the pack of dogs, which renders Angela hysterical.    A bit later, Sandra asks Vince what the Sheriff was referring to when he mentioned what happened with Vince's father, and Vince becomes unreasonably defensive.  A bit of foreshadowing, perhaps?

As the gang continues on their fateful journey to the old homestead, they hit a German Shepard on the road.   The dog is not dead, but is dying, so Vince must "finish it off" by bashing it's head in with a rock.   Suddenly, a mysterious blood stained old man appears and tells them that "now they've done it", and they will all die.    The old man REALLY upsets Angela (who is apparently a bit high strung) and she cries, "He's crazy, can't you see he's crazy?  Make him go away!".  However, the old guy leaves on his own, but not before delivering a strange speech about the wind, the moon, and how "his dogs will find you wherever you go."  Yeah, and nice to meet you, too!

Vince and Sandra go after the old man, but instead of finding him they have a brief, unexplained and apparently non-reprecussional (okay, I'm not sure that's a word, but you know what I mean!) encounter with the "monster dog". They return to the van and soon arrive at their destination.   Caretaker Jos is, however, nowhere to be found, and Vince goes off -- alone -- to look for him.   While he's gone, Angela reveals that she "senses" things, and that they aren't safe in the house, and that horrible things will happen.  Naturally, no one listens to her.

Well, here's where things start getting sticky:   Bad dreams are suffered, dark family secrets revealed, mysterious gunmen appear, and -- naturally -- folks start getting murdered.   All these events lead up to a "unique twist" that you'll probably see coming a mile away!

RATING:    

I have to say that, honestly, MONSTER DOG is virtually unwatchable, even for someone who is both an Alice Cooper AND a "B" movie fan.  The acting is dreadful, the dialog wooden, the sets obviously cheap (except for the old house), and the special effects -- well, they're pathetic.   So, unless you're an Alice Cooper fan this movie won't hold any charm for you, but for a die hard fan it's almost worth suffering through!

None.

SCENES THAT MAKE ME GO "HMMM...,":


1. It seems strange to me that the "marauding pack of wild dogs" in MONSTER DOG consist exclusively of well-groomed, purebred dogs:   German Shepards, Doberman Pincers and Giant Schnauzers.  Is this the untamed countryside, or the "Westminster Dog Show" gone wild?

2. In the scene where Vince is talking to Sheriff Morrison, he (Vince) remembers that he used to sit on the Sheriff's lap and "piss all over his pants".  This is weird on two counts:  One, that Vince was old enough to remember, and yet too young to..., uh, "contain himself", and:   Two, that Sheriff Morrison let young Vince sit in his lap more than once!

3. A rock and roll party of six people -- three men and three women, and all the women are sleeping in the same room?  In ONE double bed?   And they aren't..., uh, "fooling around"?  Can you say, NOT BLOODY LIKELY?

DID YOU KNOW...,:

 -   Director Clyde Anderson also wrote MONSTER DOG.

 -   Apparently, MONSTER DOG was originally shot with Spanish dialog and was dubbed over in English for the American market.   I wonder if that means Alice speaks Spanish?

 -   Prior to MONSTER DOG, "Identity Crises" and "See Me in the Mirror" were unreleased Alice Cooper songs.

              Got a comment? Post it on the message board!





    Back to MOVIE REVIEWS!!