ROCK'N WITH SATAN   
2002, Zone 5 Pictures

DIRECTOR: Adam Starr, Justin Karoway-Waterhouse & Jared Starr   

STARRING:  Jared Starr,   Justin Karoway-Waterhouse,    Johanna Collado,    Kal "Skip" Dylan,    Devin Ruddick,    Stephen Dennis		   

**   UPDATED 12/02/03!!  **

Jeeze, this is a bad movie.  Not "bad" as in "cool", or "so bad it's good".   Nope, this movie is just B-A-D.  Bad acting, bad sets, bad script, bad wigs, bad jokes.  Just doing this review is painful for me.  Sigh.

On the surface, ROCK'N WITH SATAN shares quite a few similarities with SHOCK 'EM DEAD;  at least, it aspires to the mediocrity achieved by SHOCK 'EM DEAD, but it never comes close to the mark.    ROCK'N WITH SATAN is about two high-school losers, Ricky Steele and Billy Love, who seem to have everything going against them:  They have a band which they desperately want to go places, but can't find a drummer;   their teachers pick on them, and their high-school principal has it in for them.   In addition to that, Billy is head-over-heels for a girl who won't give him the time of day, and Ricky's father beats him.  

Their fortunes change, however, when they find a weird old book in a music store.   The strange old Chinaman at the store tells them the book is not for sale (groan!) but the boys figure it wouldn't be there if it wasn't up for grabs, so they steal it.  And at first, this seems to have been a good thing:   They begin reading from the book, and suddenly a strange but very helpful figure appears to them, calling himself "Radical Z".  

Radical tells Ricky and Billy that if they do what he says, they're going places!   And, true to his word, things start looking up -- way up -- for the boys.   Billy's dream girl falls in love with him, and the band (White Scorpion) starts getting gigs and a following (which is odd, since they have no drummer, no bass player and no equipment, but those are small matters in this steaming pile of moo.)   Soon however, Ricky becomes suspicious of Radical Z's guidance, even as Billy falls further under his spell.   Ricky questions their songs' messages, the odd things Radical Z asks them to do, and the fan base White Scorpion is attracting.   In turn, Radical Z begins turning Billy against Ricky.

Events escalate, leading to a good versus evil showdown that makes the final duel in ROCK 'N' ROLL NIGHTMARE look like LORD OF THE RINGS.  Stupid, senseless, and boring, boring, BORING!!



RATING:      

What can I say about this movie that I haven't already?   Nothing in this movie makes any sense!    If I were to gather all my friends and make a movie in my back yard, it would be better acted, more clever, and more interesting than this stuff.  The movie DID make some references to '80's phenomena which could have been clever -- if it had been in a better vehicle.   As it is, the references come off like the rest of the movie -- stupid and boring.

UPDATE 12/02/03:  Okay, I've given movies extra points for things like cool clothes, attitude, etc.   So yeah, I've given give "Rock'n with Satan" a head bob for having a cool director.   Yeah, Adam Starr happened across this review on the web and instead of being pissed, or ignoring it, he was cool enough to write to me and tell me he liked the review and actually thanked me.   And then he gave me some constructive criticism, not because of anything I said but rather what I DIDN'T say.   Well, with such feedback, how could I NOT go back, watch the movie, and revise the formerly blank following sections?    So, without further ado -- read on!

Nada.

SCENES THAT MAKE ME GO "HMMM...,":


1. HOW in the devil does a student come to detention with no books, and yet sneak a pair of jumper cables in with him?   And how is it that Billy and Ricky aren't at least suspended, let alone expelled, for electrocuting a teacher??!

2. Ricky tells Billy that he's "scored a drummer" for White Scorpion, and yet Ricky didn't ask Jack (the potential band mate) what instrument he played??   So WHERE did Ricky get the idea Jack played the drums?

3. So, Ricky wants a book so badly that he steals it from the Chinese shop keeper.   And yet, in the next scene he allows Billy to throw the book in the trash, without even looking at it?  So why bother stealing it in the first place?

4. If White Scorpion is playing "the Devil's music", then why do they sound like Bon Jovi Lite??   Everyone knows Slayer is the chosen music of Satan!!!

5. I've said this before, but it bears repeating so I'm repeating it:   When "White Scorpion" is playing, I distinctly hear a bass, keyboards and drums.  &npsp; Yet, Billy and Ricky are the only musicians evident, and they both play guitar.   Not to mention -- I hear vocals, yet often I see no microphones.  And even when there IS one, Billy isn't singing it it.   Hmmmmm....,

DID YOU KNOW...,:

 -   When I said that "if I were to gather all my friends and make a movie in my back yard" it would be better than ROCK'N WITH SATAN, I was apparently closer to the truth than I knew.  According to Adam Starr, that's EXACTLY how ROCK'N WITH SATAN was made!!

 -   The "actors" (and I use the term loosely) in ROCK'N WITH SATAN apparently were only compensated for their gas expenses, nothing further.   Now, THAT'S a labor of love!!!

 -   Apparently, the "powers that be" behind ROCK'N WITH SATAN are responsible for even stranger, cheaper and more bizarre movies!!  If you don't believe me, check them out at Zone 5 Pictures!   But enter at your own risk -- you have been warned!!   And let 'em know HEAVY METAL HORROR sent ya!!

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